Alone Again
by Echo1317
Summary: Jace and Alec take a walk. Jace angst, post- Bones. T cause I'm paranoid.


**Alone Again**

**Jace's POV**

"What are we doing, Jace? I wish you would- Ow! Son of a bitch!" Alec shouted, hopping up and down on his uninjured foot, "I'm not following you if you aren't going to tell me where you're going. I'm sick of walking into stuff."  
I laughed. Alec looked like a drunk monkey as he hobbled down the ally, trying not to use the foot he'd kicked the metal trash bin with. The way I remembered it, he'd volunteered to come with me on my little mission. I shook my head.

"You didn't have to come, Alec," I reminded him. He scowled. "I'm going to Clary's."

"Why?" Alec said with disgust. I chuckled. Oh, how Alec hated my sister.

My sister.

Just the words tore through me. She was my sister, and yet somehow, inexplicably, I'd fallen in love with her. I wanted her more than anything in the world. More than air, more than water, more than life itself. If I ever expected to live properly, I needed _her_.

"Because," I answered vaguely. I'd been specifically avoiding this conversation with anyone. It wasn't that I didn't trust Alec; on the contrary, I trusted him more than anyone else I could think of. But this was not something I could share with him. I could only imagine the looks he would give me, the way his blue eyes would silently judging me for loving my _sister_, and not in the nice way.

"Fine," Alec grumbled, trudging after me. Somehow I'd known he would still follow me. "How long are we staying?"

"A couple hours, maybe," I shrugged. Alec cursed again as he tripped over a small, metal garbage can in the next ally I'd ducked into. I backtracked and helped pull him out of the spilled pile of trash.

"How many times have you done this?" Alec asked me, brushing himself off. He raised an eyebrow when I didn't answer. I grimaced at how many times I had snuck off in the middle of the night like this.

"More than a few," I said lightly. Alec didn't need to know that I'd come here every night since Renwick's. He shook his head as if he couldn't fathom why I would ever want to be with Clary as much as I did. He suddenly stopped in the middle of the ally. He rubbed his arm awkwardly, an uneasy expression on his face.

"Do you love her?" Alec asked me softly. The question was not one I had expected from him. I could see in his eyes that he was genuinely curious, and there was not a hint of malice in his words. I knew he already knew the answer, but I decided to humor him. Quite slowly, I nodded my head. I did love her. And I was completely ashamed of it.

"Ok," Alec whispered, the regret in his voice was unmistakable. Maybe there was even pain, horribly disguised pain, as well. He walked on, up ahead of me. I stood staring after him until he turned around.

"Are you coming?" He called to me. I walked quickly to catch up with him. It struck me odd that Alec wanted to keep going, especially now that he knew the sick thoughts that were swirling around in my head. He didn't seem sickened, though, the knowledge seemed to soften his expression, put the ghost of a smile on his lips.

"It's alright, Jace," He said, not meeting my eyes. It was as if he could read my thought, he could tell how revolted I was by my feelings. Maybe he knew me too well. "You can't help it if you fall in love with the wrong person. It just happens that way, and there's nothing you can do about it."

It there was a deeper meaning behind Alec's words, it was lost to me then. There was a quiet moment between us as the more serious atmosphere between us evaporated.

"So what do you do? Like, when you get there?" Alec said. I shrugged.

"I usually just sit under her window," I told him, "I look at the sky. I think. Sometimes I read if I'm in the mood, or maybe write something. But mostly I think."

Alec nodded, and we walked on in silence. When we reached Luke's house, Alec stopped, hesitating.

"I'll let you do this alone," He said quietly, "It seems like a more… solitary activity."

I nodded once, smiling half-heartedly at my brother. The night swallowed Alec up like a monster, and, just like always, I was alone again.

* * *

Just a little one shot I whipped up because I was procrastinating. It's crappy, I know, but I wanted to post something since I'll be gone for a week and a half and I probably won't be able to get on a computer. Wish me luck, I'm visiting my family. (Shudders)

-Echo1317


End file.
